Of course, most answering this question will quickly answer along the lines of: The day my kids were born, The day I got Married, The day I got my dream job, The day I won the big game and the list goes on. I find these all to be true to the people who describe them. My answer is a much more basic and unforgettable day. THE DAY I WOKE UP.
I agree the day I found out I was pregnant with my children was incredible. Meeting my children for the first time was absolutely amazing. Uniting my life with my now husband’s life brought tears to my eyes. The joy I’ve experienced during many job acceptances over the years will be held dear for as long as my mind allows me to remember. My graduation with a Bachelors degree I’ve worked long and hard for will always be a point of pride and appreciation. But of all of these I can not forget THE DAY I WOKE UP.
Struggling through life, broke, alone, and scared, my life has not been an easy one. Suffering has been a common place in my existence followed by my mental decline. Abuse, abandonment, pain and loss wrapped up in a single life can and probably will cause years of sorrow and anger. The day I can not forget is THE DAY I WOKE UP.
Feeling lost and alone while having many who loved me was one of the worst experiences of my life. Not understanding myself I could not share the numbness in my heart and soul. Wanting nothing more to no longer exist but too afraid to die, I went on empty and lifeless through every task of every day. Things would not change until THE DAY I WOKE UP.
The depression grew and took over every aspect of my world. My relationships were falling apart, my job soon disappeared, my worth diminished, and my loved ones encouraged me to remember those worse off. This would only cause guilt until THE DAY I WOKE UP.
On the day in question, nothing had changed. It was yet again a day to wrangle through. The world was concealed by a curtain of gray and veil of darkness. Nothing would make me feel better, loved, needed, or secure. Until THE DAY I WOKE UP.
Breathing deeply, I unwillingly crawled out of bed. Anxiety filled me as it did every day prior. My worth now non existence and the burden I was creating was overwhelming. I couldn’t move, reach out, think, or live. I went from losing myself to being lost. Until THE DAY I WOKE UP.
It began as any other day, nothing to bring joy, no smiles, no laughter, no love, no being. Until… I WOKE UP. Breathing in the cool air around me, finally aware of all I had been missing, I was alone. My puppy on my lap, gazing in my eyes with pure love and acceptance I began day dreaming of what she might be thinking. This creature laying on top of me had not cared about anything in the world except seeing me return to my happy self. I began realizing this was true in all I encountered in the previous year I had been swept into the darkness. It would be THE DAY I WOKE UP.
After trying to be one of faith of multiple denominations, they never stuck. Faith was lacking with the contradictions within. Religion to me was nothing more than a myth. I could only find peace within myself. I sat alone, in the darkened room, listening to the world around me. The soft sounds grew from disregarded to fulfilling. The new sounds brought interest and wonder, creating an imaginary story line for each. My imagination grew much like a small child’s. The veil was lifting, the darkness leaving, I was waking up. My curiosity was innocent, my sorrow was departing, and my life was returning. Within seconds I was alive. With each new breath a new realization came to me. With each new realization a reason to go on filled me. Life around me became active and lovely. Though sorrow is a fact of life, this was… THE DAY I WOKE UP.